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16 July 2008 @ 06:35 pm
[akame’s secret diary] Secret Love  

[akame’s  secret diary] 

【梔子】Kuchinashi (Gardenia) : Secret Love

Author : mizuno_hikaru                                
Pairing : Akame …since it’s about their secret diary yes?
Rating  : PG15 for fluff and angst theme
Disclaimer : I pray every night that someday they will be mine…along with their diaries XDXDXD *thrown to the sea* so basically I owned nothing *sighed*
Summary : Another response to newssuki’s Akame's Secret Diary. It was love between them, but the love remain as a secret for both of them. Both of Kazuya and Jin has their own POV for the meaning of “LOVE” and they followed different way to keep their love.
Warning : un-betaed. But I checked this fic several times, so the mistakes won’t be fatal~~ *crossed finger*
A/N : Inspired from Yellowcard’s “Keeper”. I mixed the order of the lyrics though…but I changed none of the words. I inserted the lyrics between the diary’s line… and it felt like the true feelings that wanted to be muttered by them.
2nd A/N : Jin’s diary inspired from Corrinne May’s “Shelter”. Same as Kame’s part, I inserted the lyrics between the diary’s line~~ And yeah, I also mixed the order of the lyrics…

Kame’s Diary : Reach For Your Hands, Touch My Heart

Jin's Diary : Hold Me Tight, Catch Your Soul

What's wrong, what’s getting you down

Is it something I might have said?

You're walking around with your head to the ground

and your eyes are watery red…


Dear diary,

All of my life, I always believe in ‘Love at the first sight’. I always thought that everything will be clear by it’s time, and your heart knew when it will be happened. Some people might laugh at my belief, but I knew that miracle DID exist. Sometimes there are things which couldn’t be explained in logical way… and you just couldn’t deny when those illogical stuffs come to you.


Ne, diary…

You knew exactly that when I started my belief, I still never know anything about “LOVE”. I’m still blind from it…and yet I’m still searching ‘my special one’. Yeah, the one who destined to be my soulmate; holds the half of my in the latter’s heart, the one who created from my missing rib*.


…and why from the rib ? Because the rib is located near the heart, perfect place for an embrace. And diary… I swore, when that day finally came, I knew right away that THIS IS TRUE LOVE who I’ve always been looking for.



Many people said that “Love is blind”. And indeed it was, since I guess it was true. Because when I looked at the boy who being shoved by his father to the audition room, I just can’t deny my heart.


A BOY. He has the same gender with me, and it would be so wrong in other people’s eyes… yet my heart knew. SO IT WAS HIM. SO HE IS THE ONE WHO I WAITED FOR YEARS…


That boy was too busy with his own thought as he put a betrayed expression on his face. Judging from the dirty baseball suit he wore, I knew he must has no intention to attend that audition. But still… he was there; standing out than the other boys in the room. Pouting and seemed lost as an abandoned puppy, yet looked so innocent with his childish gesture.



Just call my name, Let me be an answer

'cause it hurts me to see you this way

I wanna ease your pain

Help me understand, Let me be your shelter my friend


Dear diary,

So that’s why I approached him. He stared at me with questioning eyes as I smiled and said, “ Hi there, my name is Akanishi Jin “. After a couple of second and his hesitation went away, he smiled back and answered, “ My name is Kamenashi Kazuya “


And after several minutes later, we acted like we have been best friend for years. We chatted, we laughed… and it felt so natural. I poked his cheek, “ So you have no idea when your father suddenly brought you here, I presume ? “

He nodded, “ It scared me to death when he said ‘Kid, attend this audition’. I even thought ‘what the heck is Dad thought ?’ …I won’t make it anyway “

“ Don’t say that “ I pouted, “ You’ll make it. We’ll make it “

A sheepish smile plastered on his face and he poked back my cheek, “ Okaaayyy “


But diary,

I didn’t make it. I failed the audition. I was so frowned and ashamed. I felt like I want to run away. I have no face to meet Kazuya again. If there was a hole, I’ll crawl in and burry myself. At that time, I even thought to dig one since I couldn’t find one single hole there. (To remembered that, I felt so stupid. Of course there won’t be any hole in the floor since it was JE building!)


So diary,

I returned my plate number to an old-jiji. I barely looked at his face as I was too busy with my own thought, “ Sir, I want to return this plate “

“ Why you returned it ? “

“ Eh ? Because I didn’t pass “



I blinked in confusion when the staff immediately wrote my number in the list. The old-jiji just smiled and walked away, left me alone in more confused state. Kazuya grabbed me from behind and hugged me happily; beamed my name in such excited tone.

“ Jin, you made it ! We made it ! Both of us passed ! “

“ Eh, but why…? I thought I was failed “

“ That old man who just talked to you is Kitagawa Jhonny himself “

“ Say what ? “

“ He made you passed “

And we ended hugged each other and squealed, jumping on and laughed like there was no tomorrow.


Dear diary,

After we officially became the Jr, we practically stick and cling on each other. As they said “ Find Akanishi and you’ll find Kamenashi “ —or vice versa. We share a bond together, and we vowed that we will be together forever. We were so naïve back then. We never knew about the cruel reality of adult’s world, the unseen prison of keeping the image, the dirtiness of showbiz world…


Back then, it was only us. Us and our own little world. Acted that we were best friend for ever and forever; we were stay side by side, touched each other, laughed together, our heart tangled and our fingers warped each other. We were young and innocent, free like birds flying in the blue cloudless sky; thought that our future has some words of ‘live happily ever after’.




I know you've been through rough times

Kicked around, thrown to the ground but you've always been the strong one

So don't tell me that nobody gets you 'cause I'm standing in your corner

Knocking at tour door… You don't have to be alone


At the beginning, the agency was excited by our relationship and merely made us a pair. AkaKame, then turned into Akame. They made profit from our bond, yet it was a challenge for us.

“ Why not ? “ and we just followed anything the agency ordered us. We acted like a lovey-dovey couple, let they took the photographs of us doing intimate poses, nearly kissed each other , hugged each other… and we enjoyed all of them.


We did that stupid choreography of Dancing in the Palladium; big grin plastered on our face as we danced together, do a pretended kiss. I said that I want an Okinawa trip with my sukibito when Pi asked me the prize I wanted for that kendama fight, remembered his dazed eyes as he said “ Ne Jin… I really wished that I could visit Okinawa someday “  and I made a promise that I’ll fulfill his wish someday.

The audience just went “ Aaaaawwww” and Kazuya, flashing in his bright coloured outfit, dashed to my side and tried to hug me in excitement. I brushed him off, since I didn’t win the prize yet.


We share a bond; You and I we belong

We're like coffee and morning trains

You strip my defenses, I catch your pretenses

The same blood runs through our veins

I swore I'd be your lifeline

Made a vow that I'd surround you with love at every milestone

I'll listen when nobody gets you, I'm still standing in your corner

Waiting by your door… You don't have to be alone


And diary,

You knew that I won that prize. We went to Okinawa together. Even we were given some ridiculous task, it was still fun since he were there by my side. That night in the tent, when he searched more warmth in the cold night and snuggled closer to me, I just can’t help to embraced him and kissed his lips softly.


He opened his eyes, “ Jin…? “

I startled and tried to back off; but he smiled and kissed me back. Our first kiss is just awkward and clumsy; tasted like vanilla as it was so pure and sweet. Our eyes locked to each other as he whispered in hoarse low voice, “ Why you kissed me ? “

“ And why you kissed me back ? “ I answered his question by another question. He blushed in the shade of pink and replied, “ I think… I love you “

“ So do I… “


But diary,

As all of the innocence went away and our child’s love grew into something more, the agency seemed to realized it. They crashed our love, broke our bond and separated us immediately. We were prevent to be together again, and scolded that ‘all of akame’s stuffs must be a mere past from this day’.


At first we didn’t took it seriously; we thought that warning is way too ridicilous and we never listened. So, the agency thought another way to showed that their warning is serious. They given us such a tight shedule, make us barely could see each other. The gap between us slowly grew as we couldn’t communicate much; and all of the tension peaked, the agency made him debuted first with Pi.


Just call my name, Let me be an answer

'cause it hurts me to see you this way

I wanna ease your pain

Help me understand, Let me be your shelter my friend


Honestly diary,

I knew it wasn’t his fault. I saw his brown orbs gleamed in anxiety, I saw he rushed to the Jhonny-san’s office and came out with such a pale face. I knew it wasn’t he wished either… but jealousy burned my heart into a dark wicked one. I couldn’t help the feeling of being betrayed, and my mouth just threw those harsh words and I started to avoid him.



I made a promise that I’ll protect him from all the malice in the world… yet in the end, I was the one who made him hurted and cried. Back then, I always thought that LOVE is pure and naïve, blessed with full happiness as the virgin snowflake that glints under the gentle ray.



Sometimes TRUE LOVE showed in another colour. It was white in the beginning, red when the passion heated up, blue when the tears rolled down, and black… when all the pureness is tainted with the cruel reality.


LOVE could be the most selfish word.

LOVE is a double-edged sword that razor your heart and cast a deep bleeding wound.

LOVE is the bitter-sweet mixture of HELL and HEAVEN… toyed people’s heart and played the strings of their fate.


And why I knew it diary ?

Because after the cruel words I said in the Real Face’s PV Making, I saw his tears in his eyes. He has a hurted expression on his face and tried his best prevent his tears to fall down. It hurts to seeing him that way, and I knew his heart is remain the same. We wished the same thing, and I texted him my real feelings that night : “ ne Kazuya… why things changed like this ? Did all of our past meant nothing for you…? Because honestly, I missed those times so much… “


It was hours later when his reply came. I froze when I read them : “ Jin…all of our past DID mean a lot to me. For me, those moments are EVERYTHING and I missed them so much too. But we couldn’t turned our relationship back… and I just couldn’t tell you why… “


And then, I remembered his pale face after he walked out Jhonny-san’s office. That scene keep bugging me, so I went to see Jhonny-san the next day, only to found the shocking fact of all.


So Jhonny-san threatened Kazuya.

And our rigid relatonship is Kazuya’s way to stay near me. NEAR me, not BESIDE me. Because it was his way to kept our love…


It was not too long ago

You sought to understand

You helped me mend

Remember when

So promise me you'll

Call my name

Let me be an answer

'cause it hurts me to see you this way

I wanna ease your pain

Help me understand

Let me be your shelter my friend


“ It’s just… too cruel “ I stared Jhonny-san with disbelief eyes. He stared me back, “ You want us to stop this separation ? “

“ Yes “

“ Then there is only one way to erase all of those rumours and cleaned back both of your images “ He put an annoying smile, and I asked him, “ What it is ? “

“ You must go someplace far for a couple of time… Let’s say… LA ? Around six months or a year maybe ? I knew you love those stuffs “

“ Say what ? “

“ You’ve heared me. Leave to LA for six months and I may let you two share the relationship again, but remember to not cross the ‘friend’ border “

“ … “

“ So, you gonna take it or leave it ? “


Dear diary,

You already knew what happen next. So I DID left. I went to LA for six months as I took Jhonny-san’s offer. I told him right away after my hiatus is all set, and he accept the news with blank expression. I knew deep down he was so shocked and hurted; but I couldn’t grab him into my embrace as this is the way I choose. Yeah, this is my way to kept our love, and I didn’t want he become the only one who carry the burden.


Ne, diary…

It was painful to be apart from Kazuya, and I often woke up with tears in my eyes as those lonely feelings prickled me. I MISS HIM. I wonder if Kazuya missed me too. Sometimes, I just awake all night; staring the night sky with all of the stars and slowly brighten when sun rise. He was there, somewhere in Japan, far away from me… but we shared the same sky and it felt like a connection between us.


Dear diary…

I guess I did it again, didn’t I ?

I lost count of this kind of night, the sleepless night when I missed him. But the six months period I’ve been given is soon over. Then I could turn back… I could stay again NEAR him. Yeah, NEAR and not BESIDE…

“ Leave to LA for six months and I may let you two share the relationship again, but remember to not cross the ‘friend’ border “

But the word NEAR is better than SEPARATE or APART right ?


So, Kazuya… please wait for me. Please let me keep your heart a little longer…since you are also the one who hold my heart since I gave it to you on our first met…


***Jin’s cellphone : Message’s menu, Sent***

TO : Kamenashi Kazuya

ne Kazuya… why things changed like this ? Did all of our past meant nothing for you…? Because honestly, I missed those times so much…


***Jin’s cellphone : Message’s menu, Draft***

TO : Kamenashi Kazuya

ne Kazuya… why things changed like this ? Did all of our past meant nothing for you…? Because honestly, I love you and I missed those times so much…


TO : Kamenashi Kazuya

Kazuya, I was in the airport right now. To be honest, actually I was expected you to come and asked me not to leave. But you didn’t and well… I must go. I’ll be back in 6 months, so wait for me okay ?


TO : Kamenashi Kazuya

Kazu, is it too much if I reqeusted some silly things before I left ? Please wait for me, don’t change your heart and please… don’t give your heart to another people. I wanted to be the only one who hold it and I didn’t want to share, especially I WILL NOT give it back.


TO : Kamenashi Kazuya

Wait for me ne, Kazu ?


TO : Kamenashi Kazuya

Kazu… I LOVE YOU. Please wait for me, okay ?


All of the message got the same treatment :








I planned to made another diary couple as a sekuel from this diary…
*tried to bribe people who want to kill me because of this ending*

*taken from the Bible. Eve is created from Adam’s rib, since God took it while he was asleep and created his soulmate using the taken rib.

Current Location: in Jin's arm
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Promise of a lifetime--Kutless
dephidephi on July 16th, 2008 12:47 pm (UTC)
ANGST again.. xDD
This is wonderful as usual.
Thanks anyway.. :)
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: eating jinmizuno_hikaru on July 16th, 2008 02:45 pm (UTC)
hehehe... u r first dephi~
*hug u*
yeah, it turned into angst again~
i planned to made the happier sekuel though...

thx 4 reading and commenting~~
Hyn/Iris: akameyuki_mimon on July 16th, 2008 01:07 pm (UTC)
You're so cruel. Your fics made me cry all the time :(
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: sun's embracemizuno_hikaru on July 16th, 2008 02:48 pm (UTC)
i made u cry?
*give u some tissue and pats u*
i'm sorry... but this fic is angst~~
not all of my fics is angst though, since i wrote many fluff fics, check it out ne~~?

hehe, i planned to made a happier sekuel
so dun't worry...
thx 4 reading and commenting~~
sumomo_yukisumomo_yuki on July 16th, 2008 02:59 pm (UTC)
gehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nandeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee T_T it's not doneeeeeeee??? nandeeeeeeeee TT_TT jinjin~~~ <3 kame ~~~~ <3 T_T
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: green park jinmizuno_hikaru on July 16th, 2008 03:13 pm (UTC)
well, this fic is ended with not-so-called-ending...
since i planned to made 2 pairs of diary for the story from the beginning... i just can't help it~~

anyway, thx 4 reading and commenting~~
bioneuronbioneuron on July 16th, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC)
Why is this salty things run through my cheek..
can take it anymore..
uwaa... this is hurt...
sob sob....u make me cry...
and the love song too...
sob sob...
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: cal jinmizuno_hikaru on July 16th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)
eeehhh... did i make u cry?
sorry~~ *give u some tissue and pats u*
yeah, this fic is angst~~

thx 4 reading and commenting~~
bioneuronbioneuron on July 16th, 2008 04:02 pm (UTC)
Its ok.. i know its a fic..
just curious..Is it real..
the tent things of their first kiss?
i know abut the tent but no the first kiss..
i wnt to ask before but then busy wit by tear..
I seem to forgot..
so.. sorry for asking..
heee.....thank you for the tissue..
i am a person who cry easily over small things too..haha...baka me..
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: lonely parkmizuno_hikaru on July 17th, 2008 11:50 am (UTC)
it will be so sad if what i wrote was true...
it must be really hurt~
*rushed to hug akame*

hehehe... that tent thing...
what did u know?
i made their first kiss there since i wonder 'gosh, what happen to them that night??' when i watch their trip to okinawa trip...

and the question u wanted to ask...
i really wanna to know what is the question~
if u remember, just ask 'kay?
ylhen12ylhen12 on July 16th, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
this is so sad>_< but i really like this^___^
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: eating jinmizuno_hikaru on July 17th, 2008 11:52 am (UTC)
thx 4 reading and commenting~~!!
yeah, but i hate sad end so u don't have to be worry
coz i felt the urge to make the happier end...

i'm glad u like this fic~
thx~~ ^__________^
michiru48michiru48 on July 16th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
Kore wa hontou ni arigatou gozaimasu!!! You diserve a japanese phrase for what you wrote. Because I don't have words I'm speechless.I don't know how you are as a person but the way you put down their feelings really really impressed me.

I want to praise it but I'm afraid I'll just spoil everything

Ganbatte ne and all my best !!! You are GREAT!!
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: green park jinmizuno_hikaru on July 17th, 2008 11:54 am (UTC)
thx u so much!
u praised me so much and it made me blushed...
i really happy for ur words~

and thx 4 reading and commenting~~
Because of distance, can we beat it for our love~~nodame_jan on July 17th, 2008 12:12 am (UTC)
You made me cry again T____T both Jin's and Kame's diary.
Love their messages -draft- ^^, Jin's love definitions are beautiful.

But the ending, sequel (soon) plssss...

GooD JoB *thumb ups*
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: sun's embracemizuno_hikaru on July 17th, 2008 11:58 am (UTC)
*give u some tissue and pats u*
i made many people cry~~ *gulped*
yeah, those draft gave some people deep frustation as they poked me
"why they didn't send it? why why why ne??"
but the words itself were more heart-breaking if they didn't send it...

jin's love definition... yeah, more 'dark' than kame's definition.
his side reveal that love doesn't always stay innocent~~

i'm writing the draft right now, so wait for the sequel ne?
thx 4 reading and commenting~~
(Deleted comment)
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: green park jinmizuno_hikaru on July 17th, 2008 12:00 pm (UTC)
yeah, this one is still angst and sad...
i also hate sad end LOLZ
and yeah, they'll fight for their love!
*I won't let they love fade away!!*
so I'll make the sequel~~
dun't worry dear

and thx 4 reading and commenting~~
♥ Kate ♥ryuuki05 on July 18th, 2008 01:11 pm (UTC)
i'm back again..and i'm not third..hahaha...this time.. i cried a lot and my father saw me and ask..and i just said that the song made me cry..wahaha...but now i'm fine..i'll wait for the sequel..love the angst of jin and kame *wiping the tears off the keyboard*...awww..
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: lonely parkmizuno_hikaru on July 19th, 2008 04:39 am (UTC)
...i made many people cry *gulped*
well the story is so angst i guess...
your father saw u cry ne?
i once read another fic and cried so terribly as my tears fell like waterfall, my mom saw me and shocked LOLZ

wait for the sequel ne~~
thx 4 reading and commenting~~
Anaelanael777 on July 19th, 2008 12:51 pm (UTC)
Ne.. I'm going on that list of pple who want to kill you XD if you don't write anything to change the ending of things !!! XD XD
I'll probably have to take a number and stand in line XD but please please write one more, ne? ^^''
overall cute and very nice, sad to read tho >.
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: akame in bedmizuno_hikaru on July 19th, 2008 01:52 pm (UTC)
thx 4 reading and commenting~
don't worry, i'll write a sequel~~
*offer everything as a bribe*
Anaelanael777 on July 19th, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
hym... *thinking what to request for a bribe* wel ok another fic will probably do XD
Neko: Jinninokenken on February 15th, 2009 04:40 am (UTC)
soo good!! Akame \m/ *make another one!!* (smile)
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: akame is love~mizuno_hikaru on February 15th, 2009 07:56 am (UTC)
*nod nod*
thx 4 the r&c ^^
glad u like it!
Na-chanbabe_pig on March 16th, 2009 11:06 am (UTC)
Hi, I'm new here, yoroshiku ne ^^
So sad, but I love these. Thank for all your fics (=^o^=)
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: white layermizuno_hikaru on March 16th, 2009 04:41 pm (UTC)
thx~!! glad u like my fics~~
yaaayyy =)
Hellen de L'amourhellen_181092 on February 11th, 2010 04:09 am (UTC)
This fic is pretty. I like it. But the ending is what I love most in each POV, the part they write messages.



It's so touching and painful that they can just keep what they want to say to themselves. Thanks for ur fic.
♥ ミズノ ヒヵル ♥: natsu_bandagemizuno_hikaru on February 11th, 2010 05:14 am (UTC)
and thx 4 the r&c :D

glad u like it~!! ♥